Politics Are Killing the Mood: How Political Stress Is Affecting Our Sex Lives

Clients reach out to sex therapists for varying reasons but a common reason people connect with me is due to a lack of or difference in libido. Low interest in sex can happen for varying reasons. Trauma can affect desire and arousal, hormonal changes over a lifetime, parenting, work, lack of communication or inability to express needs, emotional labor discrepancies, or simply a lack of sexual education and understanding of our bodies. A huge component of lack of sexual arousal and desire is often something we cannot pinpoint–stress. Stress is not only distracting, but it can lead to anxiety, depression, and mood changes. As often as I hear that people don’t want to talk about politics, the political climate has a huge effect on our daily lives, which in turn affects our sexual relationships. When analzying libido changes and a decrease in desire, political stress affecting our sex lives cannot be left out of the conversation.

Many people in our country have been feeling the strain of the political climate for the last decade. When our body senses danger, it enters into a state of protection, often described as our “fight or flight” response. This response releases hormones, such as cortisol and epinephrine, which in high levels can cause decreased sex drive. When stress is chronic, the body uses sex hormones to meet increased demands for higher cortisol production, which decreases interest in sex.

Social work functions through a systems lens, taking into account all of the influences of peoples’ communities, access to resources, and cultural beliefs. I entered into this field in 2016 and since then, the existence and effects of Donald Trump have wreaked havoc on sexual attitudes and beliefs. Not only has life become harder to navigate due to financial strain, climate change, and the deliberate deconstruction of infrastructure, it has become increasingly more dangerous to exist as a POC, woman, or queer person. In many traditional family structures, sex is an expectation and transactional for safety and survival. When facing the realities of mass deportation, healthcare disparities, dependence on men to provide, and violence by the state, it can be difficult to feel sexy and want to engage in activities that require being present.

More than one in 10 single people under 50 say they are having less sex because the US supreme court overturned Roe v Wade, according to a new study by Match Group. The fear of pregnancy, and all the complications and life changes that can come with pregnancy, has changed the way we are able to engage in sexual relationships. Purity culture and the continuous impact of lack of sexual education in many parts of the country have created barriers to having good and pleasurable sex. Media only shows narrow, heteronormative sexual experiences and the modeling for good sex and intimate communication is almost nonexistent. The attitudes around sex and pleasure have become so fear based and uncomfortable that communication feels awkward and filled with shame, a huge sexual brake.

Lack of understanding communication skills, fear of loss of autonomy, emotion identification, chronic stress, the ever-growing anhedonia (a symptom of depression making it difficult to feel joy or pleasure), and the inability to live authentically and proudly in a country determined to promote pro-natalism and Christian values, has created an incredibly unsexy environment. America is a capitalist playground, seeped in exploitation, economic instability and inequity, isolation, and imperialism. Breanna Fahs, a professor of women and gender studies at the University of Arizona, stated, “Capitalism has limited and twisted our capacity for pleasure by stripping away any possibility that does not adhere with the mandates of labor.” When orgasm becomes a product and expected outcome, sex stops being about the experience and connection and starts to become work.

How to re-engage with pleasure

The first steps in changing your relationship with sex under stress are to explore what feels good, what connects you to your body, what connects you to your partner? Before we even take off our clothes, are we doing activities we enjoy? Are we making time to truly rest and acknowledge the stressors of life? Are we spending time with people who make us feel understood and share our values? Begin small, have a conversation about what feels good outside of sex, read a sexy book and tell your partner why it turned you on, go dancing, make out on the couch, leave each other notes, ask each other questions, rub your bodies together without an agenda! Find a community who understands you. Get good lube. Reach out to a professional if you feel stuck. I’m here if you’re looking to start exploring how to feel sexy under a capitalist fascist regime. Email me at Melanie@pullingthreadstherapy.com for a free 15-minute consult.